Sometimes it's the little things that break us...Today I was at my doctor's office, just signing in as I usually do, when suddenly I heard the man next to me mention his doctor's name. "Dr. Guthrie", he said, when asked who he was seeing. The tears began to well up in my eyes. I wasn't expecting this. I didn't think about David's doctor being at this office. It caught me off guard. David is my brother in law for those who don't know. He died this past Saturday from complications of Lukemia (AML). Anyway, I walked to my seat and picked up the newspaper. I flipped through to the obituaries to see if they had made a corrected copy. It had been in the paper the day before but they had a typo. Supposedly, they were just replacing the written part of it so I wasn't expecting to see David's picture staring me in the face. Again, the tears welled up. I know that this is a common thing. The hurt is still fresh, and this is just a part of the grieving process. Doesn't make it any easier though. In the days to come the hurt will ease up some, but David will never be forgotten. I have known him since I was a young teenager. There have been times when he could be aggravating. But most times he kept me laughing. Whenever anyone needed his help he was there. He had a very giving nature. I can honestly say his mama raised him well...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Ten Things I Hate At This Moment
My daughter in law posted a blog with ten random things she hated (or didn't like...can't recall at the moment), and first and last on her list was "the death of a loved one." These are the ten things I hate at this moment....
1. The death of a loved one.
2. The nagging questions that bombard my mind following the death of a loved one.
3. The pain that I feel...sometimes my heart feels like a knife is being stabbed right through it.
4. The worry I feel regarding other loved ones whose health is not so great...and I really can't stand the thought that I might be the next widow...
5. The feeling that everything I've ever believed about healing is a lie.
6. The insensitivity of people in times like these, though I'm sure that is not really their intention...not that this has happened in this situation as yet...but I've seen it so many times before.
7. Overeating when I'm depressed...people always bring tons of food to those grieving and it would really be impolite if I didn't try all of it, right?
8. Questioning the motives of people who seemed to dislike a loved one prior to their death, but after the death they seem all lovey dovey and paint them out to be a saint.
9. Night time...the mind seems to play over the events when I try to sleep...I see my loved one's face as it was in the hospital and that image is not a pretty one.
10. Wondering if he suffered at all....
1. The death of a loved one.
2. The nagging questions that bombard my mind following the death of a loved one.
3. The pain that I feel...sometimes my heart feels like a knife is being stabbed right through it.
4. The worry I feel regarding other loved ones whose health is not so great...and I really can't stand the thought that I might be the next widow...
5. The feeling that everything I've ever believed about healing is a lie.
6. The insensitivity of people in times like these, though I'm sure that is not really their intention...not that this has happened in this situation as yet...but I've seen it so many times before.
7. Overeating when I'm depressed...people always bring tons of food to those grieving and it would really be impolite if I didn't try all of it, right?
8. Questioning the motives of people who seemed to dislike a loved one prior to their death, but after the death they seem all lovey dovey and paint them out to be a saint.
9. Night time...the mind seems to play over the events when I try to sleep...I see my loved one's face as it was in the hospital and that image is not a pretty one.
10. Wondering if he suffered at all....
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Are We Grasshoppers?
Over the last few weeks I’ve been meditating on Numbers 13. In the very first verse we see that the Lord tells Moses to send out men to explore the land of Canaan; the land that He was giving to the Israelites. They were to bring back a report about the specifics of this land. What are the people like? Is the city fortified? How’s the soil? Are there trees? They were also told to bring back some of its fruit. So they went and spied out the land. In verse 27 their account to Moses begins. As it starts to get negative, Caleb silenced the people (v. 30) and says, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” Instead of being encouraged by Caleb’s words, they veer right back to their negativity. Let’s take a look at verses 31-33:
But the men who had gone up with him said, “We can’t attack these people; they are stronger than we are.” And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, “The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw are of great size. We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”
Okay, so let me point out some very interesting things here. First, it was already established that this was the land God was giving to the Israelites. If God intended to give them this land, wouldn’t it seem clear that He would provide a way? Wasn’t He more powerful than any giant? Couldn’t He fulfill all that He promised? I mean, He did create the entire universe. And these people weren’t unfamiliar to the miracles He could perform. So what made them fear? I think a key verse tells the tale. It says, “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.” This verse implies that they were looking at outward appearances. Their focus wasn’t on who God was or what He had promised. It was on what their eyes saw in the natural; their own limitations and weaknesses. Because of these things they spoke negatively, despite God’s promise to them. Isn’t this just how we are at times? Oh, we may say we trust God, but when situations come up and things appear to be hopeless, our natural tendency is to be drawn to the negative; to see our lack. And when that happens, we no longer believe that “with God all things are possible.” Instead, we are more prone to think, “God can do all things, but He probably won’t do it for me.”
Throughout the Bible we read about people who seemed to be unlikely candidates for being used by God. Moses complained that he wasn’t a man of eloquent speech. Jeremiah said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.” Still, God used them and their weaknesses. Paul was said to have a thorn in the flesh and after three times pleading with the Lord to take it away, the Lord finally told him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This tells me that when it looks impossible in the natural, when we have flaws that would ordinarily seem to prevent us from accomplishing certain things, God will definitely get the glory when great things are done. And isn’t this what it’s all about? Glory being given to God?
How we view things will definitely have an effect on what we can accomplish. If we think we are unable to do something, then chances are, we won’t be able to do it. But if we place our trust in God and hold onto that even when things look bleak, then with God all things are possible. If God has told us to do something specifically, then He will equip us to do it. Keep in mind however, this doesn’t mean there won’t be some work or effort involved on our part. God won’t do all the work. We have to step out in faith. I once heard someone say, “God may be moved by the tears that you cry, but it’s only by faith that He’s moved to reply.” So, in other words, God cares about what you’re going through, but He’s waiting on you to trust Him no matter how things appear. He’s waiting for you to take that leap of faith.
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