And So It Begins...

Last year was a pretty sucky year. One of the worst moments was losing my brother in law, David in August. He had been diagnosed with Lukemia (ALS) the last part of June, died August 15, 2009. With the year's ending I had high hopes that this year would be better. Those hopes were dashed when, from day one of the year, things have been going wrong. It would be bad enough if it were just those ordinary things that we all face on occasion. But this year started off with me being told my cousin had days to live. The family spent days by her side, grabbing every moment they could to love on her. She died on January 12, 2010 after years of battling cancer. It was a bittersweet moment. I have watched her suffer so much over the years, sometimes being right on the brink of death, only to suddenly have a turn around. But these past days reminded me that her suffering has never really ended. So her passing was a relief in the sense that, at least now she isn't suffering any longer. There's a country song by Toby Keith that says, "I'm not cryin cause I feel so sorry for you, I'm cryin for me." That's kind of how I feel right now. I know where Marie will spend eternity. She remained faithful throughout her ordeal. She continued to praise, to see the bright side. She was not a complainer. Marie brought humor to every situation, even making us laugh while we were crying inside. She was an encourager. I loved that woman! And now I cry because I can't pick up the phone and call her. I can't get in the car and drive out to see her. She was like a sister, a best friend to me. And I feel the loss. Is it selfish of me? Probably. But for now, I'm gonna be a little selfish and cry for me, for what (who) I've lost. I can only hope that in the days to come my pain will lessen. While Marie's life here has ended, her life has really just begun...so this is not goodbye, it's merely "Until we meet again."